The t-shirt, where does it fit into your life? Do you wear them? Are you too high class for the basic tee? Is the graphic t-shirt art or simply a cultural representation of current times? Isn’t that what art is? T-shirts have flourished as a means of personal expression. Comfortable, casual and simply designed, their content is often a reflection of one’s character. They can be as unique as the individual that inhabits the garment or as common as a Walmart off-the-rack $8.00 shirt.
What I really want to know is why you wear t-shirts? Just for the sake of conversation, I’ve come up with 17 groups of people who wear them. These are all in fun and are not intended to offend anyone, so just roll with it. Where do you fit in?
The T-Shirt Snob. What makes a tee snob? Can there be such a thing, it’s a t-shirt after all? You know you’re a t-shirt snob if the first thing you look for is the brand name on the label or hang tag. Chances are, no hang tag – it’s not going to make the grade. Where do you draw the line in cost? What is the minimum you will spend, $30, $40, $12? I’m going to say if it’s $30+, you’re a snob. Price isn’t the only factor for you, the graphic can’t be too heavy and the fabric must be preshrunk and soft against the skin. Do you only wear “Made in the USA” shirts, fashion or designer prints? Congratulations, you’re a snob.
In direct contradiction to the snob is the slob. You’re a t-shirt slob if you wear t-shirts everywhere you go: to work, to school, shopping, at home, to work-out in, on a date, to bed. Why, because they’re comfortable and you don’t need to impress anybody. Doesn’t matter if it has remnants of last week’s dinner, or if there’s a hole in the pit. Who’s going to notice? You’re not going to a wedding after all, just to the corner store.
Don’t Look at Me! You won’t wear anything that has words or any kind of message. You don’t want to be mistaken for someone who actually believes in something enough to broadcast it. Someone might actually ask you to defend your stance. That would suck. You may even be somewhat anti-social, not wanting to talk to anyone. It could even be as simple as this, you don’t want to draw any attention and you definitely don’t want people staring at your chest?
It’s All About Me. You DO want people staring at your chest. You want just enough of a design to draw the eye, but it’s the assets that will keep the admirer focused. You can’t have words obstructing the view. After all, you’ve either been well endowed by God, the gym or the local surgeon. However you may have acquired your physique, it’s all about me, not the tee. No photo, censored.
Economist. Ok, it’s a matter of cost vs. income and practicality. With 2+ million people becoming unemployed in the past year, the t-shirt is still the basic wardrobe staple it has always been. Cheap, comfortable, easy to care for and makes a great rag when it crosses into the slob class of tee. No words or graphics grace the shirt, it’s a laborer’s favorite, next to jeans that is. Who is nuts enough to spend the extra money on a graphic tee that is going to get ruined. Nope, plain Jane is the economist’s way to go.
Alum’s, you only wear college t-shirts. You want the whole world to know just how educated you are. If I had paid that kind of admission fee, I’d broadcast it too. On the other hand, maybe you bought your shirt for 10 bucks at Steve and Barry’s and you want us all to think you are of superior intellect. That will only get you so far.
Now your parents, their shirt will probably end up in the rag bag long before they’ve finished paying for your school. Some parents should have a building on campus with their name on it since their kid has changed majors so many times. If that’s you, you need to go say thank you and suck up to them for a good, long time. Parents, you better let ‘em.
The Band Groupie, everyone knows about the band groupie. You wear band t-shirts. For you, it’s all about the music, the group, the concert experience. We’ve all seen you in concert footage, lining the front row, arms outstretched, reaching for the object of your obsession. Are you the screamer, the crier or the fainter? It’s unreal and slightly nauseating to those of us watching you. Perhaps you’re only in the nosebleed seats, but you’ve got the shirt and bragging rights. The true groupie would really be called a stalker by today’s standards. Where the band goes, they go. Who are these people? Don’t they have lives, families, jobs? One more thing, is there some unwritten rule that say’s band shirts have to be black?
Sports FANatic’s eat, drink and breathe sports. They wear their favorite team’s jersey or logo, and only that team’s colors. You can see the expanse of like colors spanning the width of stadium bleachers. The game is a civilized call to war. A socially acceptable environment for the obsessive fan, always ready to defend their colors. The team shirt, to them, is a flag of honor, a banner to be flown high and defended to the end, at least while the team is winning. They may also be their team’s harshest critic when they are losing. Does the jersey stay in the closet during those times? No, I don’t think so.
I Wanna Be Me! You like the funky, funny shirts that are somewhat left of center. You could even say off the radar all together. Maybe a little like you? The designs have little meaning (not like you), are great conversation pieces and are as different as their occupants. You are unconventional to the hilt and you don’t care if everyone knows it. True to self, that’s you.
Tree Huggers. You know you’re a Tree Hugger if you only wear USA made organic shirts printed using water based inks for the graphic. The design definitely makes a statement in support of your rhetoric. You recycle, conserve energy, harness the wind, live off the grid and eat free range. The masses are clamoring to become just like you in light of our countries current economic state. Once the radical, now the visionary. You may also be a vegan, worshipper of Mother Earth and the four elements or a has-been hippy romanticizing the past. Whatever the case, think Green, save the planet and hug a tree!
The Bite Me group of t-shirt wearer is geared to stir a debate, draw attention and often to offend entire communities of people. You 
may be angry with the injustices of the world, disagree with the system, the government, a group, a social norm, a policy or a religion? You use the tee as an extension of your own personality, as a way of expressing your discontent with our imperfect world. For you, it’s a socially acceptable form of free speech. You revel in the stares, gasps and wagging tongues of disapproval. Power to the people!
Draft Dodger. This is a special class of t-shirt connoisseur, they have their own street style. You’re a draft dodger if you wear strictly white, oversized, very long shirts and you don’t mind looking just like the other five guys next to you. The length of your shirt helps protect you from
the elements, since the waistline of your pants sit at mid-thigh. Draft dodger, get it? Need more…
- You spend your days holding up your pants as you walk.
- You only have one hand free because – you are always holding up your pants.
- You will probably end up being permanently pigeon toed because your walk no longer has that cool ghetto slide, it’s tailored to – you know – hold up your pants!
- If you ever have to run for your life, which is possible on the streets, you may die because of those *?@$!#@ pants!
When I see these guys, I have this overwhelming desire to run up and give those pants a quick yank down. Be warned though, if you do take that road, you’d better be prepared to run like the. Then again, they can’t catch you anyway.
Rebel Riders, live to ride and ride to live! The basic black t-shirt donned with the classic Harley emblem and a leather vest or jacket is the tried and true biker fashion statement. Nothing else carries quite the same “don’t !$%# with me” persona. Either you’ve got it, or you don’t. You can’t manufacture that kind of attitude. You ooze testosterone, a bad boy to the core. At least, that’s what you want us to think. In reality, the only thing you probably ride thru the week is the desk chair at the office. If you’re a biker babe, you still hold true to the basic black. It just rides a lot lower than the male version. I’d have to say that you are part of the “All about Me” class with a little more ‘tude. It’s all good
The Messenger is unmistakable. For you, every t-shirt has a special meaning and plenty of words. While you consider the whole world your audience, you are proud, quiet and steadfast in your views. Interestingly enough, you are not usually the loud voice out in front. You prefer to let the t-shirt do the talking. You are first in line to support a cause, champion a belief and lend a hand. You’re a team player and believe that if we all stick together, we can accomplish anything. You believe in the message the shirt coveys and the passion behind it. You walk to cure Cancer, fight poverty and in remembrance of a loved one.
Now, there are some of you who carry it just a bit too far. You are not the silent warrior, but the booming clarion that insists everyone know what you believe. You are single handedly responsible for undermining the good work of the true messenger by driving people away. For everyone’s sake, dial it down a notch.
Goth, you know who you are. I think it’s safe to say we know who you are too. You’ve never felt part of normal society. You use black clothing, body piercings, grungy skull t-shirts and dark make-up to create your own persona of darkness and mystery. You’ve never fit
in anyway, why start now. You have your own counter culture, family of like minds that embrace the same style. You’re not usually evil in the real sense of the word, but definitely misunderstood. You even have enough strength to withstand social rejection, which is a definite plus.
There are a few things I do wonder about though:
- What happens if you don’t want to be a follower anymore? Are you doomed to become closet preppie?
- Just how many places on your body can you pierce?
- What do you dress up as for Halloween, Mr. Rogers?
Race Groupies, you know who you are. Aside from the obvious benefit of running, the race t-shirt is a trophy. It symbolizes all of the work and sweat you’ve poured out to get to that point. Every race is a competition against yourself and the other runners. Before you know it, you have amassed a closet full of accomplishments, each one rotated into the workout regimen. I have to say that you’ve crossed the line when you no longer have the lean, mean racing machine that earned the shirt, but you still try to stretch is across your shrinking pecs and growing abs. Even old horses get put out to pasture. If that’s you, do yourself a favor, retire the sweat stained, shrinking icon of days gone by.
The Trekker. Long gone are the days of travel postcard collections and shot glass souvenirs. When you go anywhere, you come back with a t-shirt. The rest of us live vicariously thru your landmark tee’s. You are single handedly responsible for the economic success of tourist towns. Your closet is lined with “Made in Mexico” mass produced remembrances of exotic places. We all know where you have been by the writing on the wall. On the other hand, maybe you never go anywhere. You just beg your friends and family to bring you a tee from their trip. That’s right up there with always the bride’s maid, never the bride. Sucks!
That’s my list. So, what kind of t-shirt wearer are you? I think that you can probably guess that I am the messenger. I do have to admit that there is a little bit of the slob thrown in, but only because I live in t-shirts. Actually, I have been a few of these at different times in my life. I’m sure I have missed some groups. Whichever group you may fall into, just remember that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made by God and he loves you!
Faith Crusader. This is a very cool design. We sold the shirts for a $10 donation, all of which was distributed among three families. With the help of friends and a dedicated church family, we raised $525. Thank you to all of you who contributed. I hope you enjoy your t-shirt.
